Even Fairytales Are Not Good Enough
by yumeyana
Summary: Dreaming has always been a nice way to compensate a broken heart. But for a heart that knows the truth, even fairytales are not good enough...


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Author's Notes: Yahoo! It's been a long time since I wrote for Gravitation and I thought I might be kinda rusty so I decided to write this. This was supposed to be for Ryuichi's birthday but I got too busy with other things that's why I didn't get to finish this on time. But that's okay. Anyway, I hope you'll like this!

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Dedication: To all the dear people of GBS and to the wonderful people at ryuichiluvstohma@yahoogroups.com, keep the RyuToh/ TohRyu luvin' alive!

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Even Fairytales Are Not Good Enough 

"Ryuichi-san, I like this song!" you exclaimed, patting my back. 

"Hontou?" I asked, not sure if the song I composed last night was good enough for your taste. After all, I was down in the doldrums again last night. But then again, almost all my songs were composed when I was down. 

You smiled at me, seemingly satisfied with the way the new song was composed. Good, I thought. Noriko-chan had been bugging me for a week because the deadline for the release of the new album was nearing and I hadn't even finished writing and composing. You had been doing so, too, albeit in a subtle way. 

"I can feel the song, Ryuichi-san. It feels like you put your heart into this song," you commented, humming a few bars of the song.

Of course I put my heart into that song! 

Because…

… It **_is_** the song of my heart. 

**__**

When I was child, the story would say 

Somebody would sweep you off your feet someday

And that's what I hoped that would happen with you

More than you could know.

**__**

I wanted to tell you that my heart's in your hands

I prayed for the day that I would get the chance

And just when I worked up the courage to try

Much to my surprise…

I think fell in love with you the moment we met in that American school back when we were in middle school. I remember being so shy back then. You were a year older than I was and yet we were on the same year level. I think that was because you attended school a year late. Of all the people in that vast room, you were the first person to introduce yourself to me as a possible friend. 

I knew so little English. But it didn't matter. You were also Japanese – an exchange student from a school back home. 

And that was the start of our friendship. 

You were beautiful even back then. Your blond hair would glow as the sun's rays shone on them. Your blue eyes sparkled with life. You had this grace in you that would make a ballet dancer run for her money.

And day after day, you grew more beautiful. 

And the more I fell in love with you. 

We were about in our mid-twenties when we went back to Japan after finishing college as Music majors. That's when we met Noriko-chan and we started our band. I would always write songs that were secretly dedicated to you while you and Noriko-chan put rhythm to my words. 

No one ever knew that I was singing for a love that I had hoped would be mine. No one ever got the wind that I was singing about my love for you. 

Nobody except Nori-chan. I think it was a woman's instinct.

She convinced me to tell you. There was no harm in trying, she said. 

And so after much pushing and thought, I agreed.

But on the day I was about to tell you about my feelings, you introduced him to us.

Uesugi Eiri.

**__**

You had somebody else

Cause these feelings I keep to myself…

That boy who seemed to be at least ten years younger than you was the boy you fell in love with. You never really said it out loud but I could see it your eyes, I could hear it in your voice. 

It was heartbreaking. But nonetheless, I continued to hope that someday you'd fall in love with me.

But Fate seemed to have other plans. 

You went to New York, promising you'd be back after two months. You just wanted a break. You brought Eiri-kun with you, even hiring Kitazawa, a college friend of ours, to tutor him while both of you were in New York. I expected you to be back with a smile, but that wasn't what you wore when we fetched you in the airport.

You came back with a very unusually silent Eiri-kun, half a month before you were due to arrive. And you looked more tired and more harassed than when you flew to New York. You came back another person. You weren't the person I knew. The Tohma I knew was happy and full of life. The Tohma I was faced with that time had his eyes glazed and no life was emanating from him.

I wanted to comfort you but every time I tried to do so, you would turn away from me. And it hurt so much that you didn't seem to trust me anymore. 

But everything was just a preparation for the announcement you were about to make. 

You were getting married to Eiri-kun's older sister, Mika-san.

**__**

From the moment I wake up till I fall asleep

I imagine you not with her but with me 

Talking and laughing, sharing our dreams

But it's just a fantasy

Cause you have somebody else

Cause these feelings I keep to myself…

Things were happening all too fast. You were getting married. Eiri-kun was not his usual self and so were you. Nori-chan was even a month pregnant. The band was breaking up and I could not do anything about it. ****

I was losing you and I couldn't do anything to stop it. 

I could not stay in Japan. I could not watch you and Mika laughing and looking so in-love with each other. I could not watch and wish that it were me you were laughing with. I wish it were me you were in love with.

That's why I decided to pursue a solo career in America. It was a step to forget you.

But everything I did to forget you were in vain. 

You were in my dreams. You were in my songs. You were in my mind. You were in my heart. 

How does one forget, I remember asking a friend of mine. 

She replied, "The heart never forgets."

And it was true. 

No matter what I did, I still dreamt that one day I may be the one in your arms. I still dreamt that one day I will be the one your heart. 

The one you'll laugh with…

The one you'll share your fantasies with…

The one who you'd wanna grow old with.

Nori-chan told me I was the biggest fool that she knew. You were married and you looked like you weren't going to get a divorce soon. You still seemed to be in love with Eiri-kun even if you were already married to his sister. I had no space in your heart, she said. I would always be just a friend.

And I knew she was right.

And yet, I could never teach my heart to forget.

That was why when you called and invited me back to Japan, I didn't say no. It didn't matter anymore. Distance couldn't make me forget so what was the point in refusing your offer?

And so, after feeling nostalgic because Shu-chan, I decided to rebuild Nittle Grasper. And here we are now, preparing for another concert and another album. 

And I composed yet another song dedicated to you.

The crowd was silent as I sang it. I introduced it as the carrier single of our new album to be released next week. It was another song that told of my love for you that I presume would be unrequited for all time. 

I closed my eyes and sang the last chorus, singing it with all my heart. Singing as if I was pouring my heart to you even if you would never get to decipher the message.

**__**

"I may never get to hold you so tight

I may never get kiss you goodnight

I may never get to look deep in your eyes

But so it seems

I always will be wishing you were mine

I'd think about what could be all the time

All the happiness that I could find

Baby, a boy can dream…"

I always loved reading fairytales. Romance stories that always ended beautifully – two worlds uniting no matter how far they were from each other. I always imagined that I was the persistent yet gallant prince set out to get the love of his life in any way possible. There were obstacles, yes, but I – the prince – was determined to get the heart of the beautiful and angelic-looking prince. And then after everything, I would be victorious in winning your heart. You will finally love me. It was a very wonderful dream… a very nice fairytale that I always wished would come true.

But for a heart that knows the truth…

Even fairytales are not good enough…

-Owari

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Author's Notes: I kinda modified some of the lyrics of Nina's _A Girl Can Dream_ to match the fic but it contains the same message. The title is from a song in Vic Zhou's first solo album, Make a Wish, which has the same title. Tell me if you liked it or you didn't okay?

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Disclaimers: Gravitation and all its characters belong to Maki Murakami. If that wonderful series was mine, Mika wouldn't exist and Ryuichi would be Tohma's koibito. The song _A Girl Can Dream_ belongs to Nina. The title belongs to Vic Zhou. Only the story line is mine. 

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Even Fairytales Are Not Good Enough is copyright Yumehime Yana Hossuru, 13 April 2004, 07:28p. No part of this story may be reproduced without consent of the author. All rights reserved. 2004. 

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